deedootzu

8-| how much longer do i need to shout at myself in the mirror?? i can't wake up...it's all blurry...i can't tell fact from fiction anymore..maybe i never did. it's so stupid come to think of it... i need so little and yet i cannot reach that very thing that would make me...uuuhhmm...happy. I'm tired of lying to everyone... i don't wanna smile unless i really feel like smiling, i don't wanna speak unless i really feel like speaking, i don't wanna be such a loser... i want to come through all the shit in my life and go on...make something of myself...but i'm not even sure what making something of myself really means... i'm goin' to sleep

it's freezing outside... i've recently realized that when things get serious..or might get serious...people back off...they all stop caring or just pretend to... it's easier this way...doh!!

i can't hear myself think as i used to... there are too many things on my mind and too many knives stabbing my chest... i wish i could just stop feeling what i'm feeling.. cuz it's wrong...i don't know what wrong means!!!! i only know what would make me happy...but..everything goes away eventually...i'm not sure i should wish 4 anything... it's time to go...i'll just die all over again...